23 jan '09
the day i got back i had lunch with a friend and Beer. we talked about what we did and where we went over winter break. and when there was silence for 30 seconds i decided to do it. it went like this:
me: guys, i have a huge crisis
them: what happened?
me: so basically, when i was 12 i had a girlfriend
[all 3 of us laugh uncontrollably]
me: i'm serious!! so anyway, i was with this girl when i was 12 and then she moved away but i was in love with her for a really long time so every time we would meet we would make out and hook up and all that shit. BUT, now i'm no longer attracted to her and i can't even think about doing anything with her but she has recently realized that she is completely in love with me and is coming to 'meet' me!!! (lie! she didn't seriously say she'd travel all this way to meet me)
friend: why don't you tell her you're with someone?
me: because we've always been with other people and it has never mattered (lie! there have been no other people)
them: oh doggie! you slut!!
friend: hmm. maybe i can be your pretend girlfriend. i'll sleep in your room while she's here
me: (OH FUCK NO NOT YOU!!!!!) hm. i guess. maybe......
friend: or maybe Beer could do it
me: YEAH! ahem. i mean, yeah i guess that's a possibility
Beer: haha. it would be so funny but yeah let's do it. when is she coming?
me: march
right. so i say all this shit and she has agreed to be my pretend girlfriend, two months from today but there is a problem... my ex girlfriend is not coming!!! so what i need to do now is to find another girl and tell her this situation and ask her to pretend to be my ex girlfriend. is this the most complicated and fucked up way of getting a girl?
-doggie
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