yes so, as awkward as this looks, is as awkward as it was.
just to wrap up the story with Bette, my god she is totally insane. ive tried to be silent here but i need to bloody vent now. what the fuck okay so she fucking comes all the way to my city and chills with me for the weekend and then we have the awkward gloves fisting tragedy in bed... and she is totally freaked out by me i guess, more than i am by her if that is even possible.
2 weekends later me doggy cherry and the gangster brothers took a trip to crazy town aka city of sin, and it was holy shit insane. im talking smoking up in the hotel room (one room, 5 people btw), 12 JD shots and then tequila and then beer and then some... saturday night we find ourselves at the club de dub dub...
bette was there, bec i met her at her work earlier that morning and things were chill. yes i was flirting with her, because what the fuck i mean gchat was pretty much my girlfriend for a while because of her. yo i cruise like an asshole who wont give a shit about you tomorrow, but i am not like that in reality. and if thats how you want me to be with you all the time just to keep you interested then seriously call me when you grow the fuck up.
so at club i was dancing with her ... at some point wanted to kiss her and she said no you cant do this here because everyone knows me.
what?! you are poly and at a club and you fucking wanted to fist me just a week ago.
anyway so i left the club and texted her saying yo stop being so caught up, what youre doing is really stupid.
man the next thing i know she is super offended and pissed off and is like no one talks to me like that im done with you. so im totally stunned and hung over the next day and like what the fuck did i even say? checked sent box and was still quite confused. so i message her on gchat, and call her a few times, and send her 3 emails saying yo talk to me, what happened. she tells me that she is not into this kind of obsessive communication and i should appreciate the fact that she wants space. god man okay fine just fucking tell me that and ill peace the fuck out.
no no no yaar... very fucking bad. not a match, not a match at all. and the worst thing is that we are still facebook friends and she sits there everyday totally green/available on my gchat and i am often tempted to msg her. bhenchod bhar mey jaey yaar.
ARGH. WHY MUST THEY ALL BE SOOOO FUCKED UP!!!
anyway so i CANNOT go back to crazy town because amidst all this i was having sexual tension with Forbidden Fruit, and ended up kissing her. shit, that shouldnt have happened because we are good as friends re, really good as friends. and now all is fucked because she is close with Sherbet Gula, Green Eyes, Persian Cat and is also in a relationship with someone.
please people dont hate the player, hate the game!
---
okay. so aside all of this doggy is heartbroken as we can see. but who the hell isnt for fucks sake. doggy baby loveyyyyy, everything will be ok.
I am in love with Purple Haze (because she is still rejecting me).
there i said it. i am inside the brackets but i need to be outside. fuck. im getting so fucked over by her. we are working on three different projects together this semester and i cannot do this. it is so damn hard. we finally started getting less awkward and i took her out twice for drinks. her apple martini looks good next to my gin and tonic.
when talking about us, i can see that my words fuck her up. she asks me to stop because she KNOWS me, and she KNOWS that in those moments when i tell her how i feel, her mind is totally getting screwed over. i cannot and must not manipulate her because that is what i do.
be bad with me, please be bad with me. dont ask me to be in a relationship with you please. i also dont understand why we keep doing this sleep over thing, since we arent really friends anymore bec it is so clear how i feel. the tension is always too much and neither of us are able to sleep. at some point during the night, i opened my eyes and she was looking at me. we have also started cuddling. holy fuck why am i doing this. i dont need this but i am totally doing this random shit man. can i also add that we had meshell ndegeocello on repeat and that is like official sexy time music in my book. so yeah after she told me she'd give us a shot if i stopped smoking up and hooking up, that night i tried to kiss her. strike two after the airport, she moved away again.
man honestly why and how do i always find the crazy ones. the fucking crazy ones.
last night i was buying her drinks as usual (when i closed my tab it was $40 man). shouting in each others ears because the music was so loud, lips so fucking close, why did she stop and give me that look, kiss me on the cheek and walk away. why did she get into that cab with me at the end of the night, and come home with me. why did she have to wear that sexy red button down shirt that is soft silk to touch, and her little shorts and stockings and boots with the killer heels that she knows are my favorite. why did she have to slide her shirt off and throw it over my chair. why did she give me a glimpse of her bare back in her sexy black bra that looks so good on her brown skin, before she slipped under the covers. why did she sleep on her side of the bed but take my pillow. why did she mention the next morning that she noticed i got into bed an hour after she had gone to sleep. fuck man, this girl has me so badly.
mangoes as you can see i am being tortured in the most fuck-all bhenchod manner. any advice on how to save myself at this point is welcome.
-- birdie
11 comments:
that indeed does look very awkward. although power struggles in bed aren't always a bad thing....
you know what is awkward though? having sex for 6 hours (minus fisting and uh gloves) and still not being able to come. my lover now wants to kill herself convinced i will cheat (again?) (this should remain in brackets). suggestions?
-gaycaviar
stop cheating, and break up right now.
i feel the torture in your writing. write something beautiful and drown in it.
while you do that, I need to talk to this dike who works in my restaurant kitchen and need pointers.
-sgt. pepper
tell me how easy it is to stop playing games?
-gaycaviar
why is everyone so depressed on here. lighten up mangoes!!!
we're depressed because we didn't orgasm this weekend.
-gaycaviar
More Importantly: did bette and shane hook up in one of the seasons? where is that picture from?
no idea i just googled "bette shane".
ps i hate caviar
it's an acquired taste. not for everyone.
i like purple haze. why does she keep rejecting your advances?
-gc
gc you seem to be experiencing severe lesbian bed death. i definitely suggest changing it up girl.
purple haze is rejecting me because she hates weed and poly people. and she claims that she is not attracted to me which is just ridiculous.
hhaha. well said. although i don't think that's the case...when we're together we alternate between sex, sleep, sex, sex, sex, sleep so i think we're not experiencing lesbian bed-death.
the problem is probably with me. can't handle husband/wife syndrome from lovers. she left an 'extra' toothbrush here this weekend. a big no-no to the whole u-haul lesbian lifestyle..for now at least.
maybe if you let purple haze in a little she would change her mind? i don't know how you are as a person but i find the whole combination (faux or not) of charm, arrogance, and sensitivity always works.
-gaycaviar
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