The Incredible Mangoes

so im letting go. im doing it, i need to. or im going to fuck myself over, and fuck her over even more. i love her madly, but im going to let it go. i have to do this.

it was like 14 degrees today, so nice re. sooo nice. when its warm why do people come out with their dogs and babies, this is something i dont understand. dogs and babies everywhere. what is the logic.

i was walking down my street to my house and it felt very strange. the clear sky and the weather allowed me to look around at all the cute colorful houses. shit, i love where i live, and i love my neighborhood. i am not ready to leave. the weather is also reminding me of august-september, which was when we moved into this place. the snow has melted and we can see the deck and porch again. i sat there today and drank some tea, smoked a cigarette. she would sit next to me with her tea and a book sometimes... bitching about my smoking hehe. again i am nostalgic and missing her. i want to not feel this incredible pain.

doggie is gone for spring break, whilst i have midterm week and am freaking out with so much shit going on.

i am worried about jobs, money, visa, graduation, and just the fucking future in general. things look pretty grim.

like morons doggie and i got totally wasted last night and fucking talked to gaycaviar from cherry's phone. we have outed ourselves extensively. very bad, very bad. we are not doing this again.

anyway ok bye.

- birdie