The Incredible Mangoes

april 16th, 2009

i find myself doing crazy things for weed. i walk long distances in the rain and snow. i buy when i don't have any money. i keep track of who all smokes so if i can't get it from my sources for some reason there should always be a backup. etc etc. i am transitioning from the 'people obsession'. they just come with their own plate of issues which become yours. intoxication is leading to so many different kinds of discoveries.

we were on mushrooms twice this week. and both trips were so fucking awesome. the first one was absurd and hilarious and the second one was enchanting. it is such a visual drug. i love the colors, the thoughts, the connection with the 'shroomies', the discoveries and the madness. you are really somewhere amazing for a while.

grape cigar is ending and also just beginning. it was just an obsessive phase and she turned out to be a buddy. we're moving in together and it's going to be ok. she has a boyfriend and it is ok. there is so much that you just fucking need to be ok with. just because you need to. it's unnatural but at the same time it's crazy how we tell ourselves to believe certain things and actually end up falling for it.

i wanted to start growing weed next semester. i've been thinking about it a lot. i want to stop buying weed from people and grow my own. but apparently it smells too much. fucking landlord. fucking system man!!! it's so irritating and controlled. we're in some dark alley or sketchy park because we need to smoke. because a bunch of assholes decided that it's illegal. i want buy some land and animals and live on my farm. i would grow vegetables (they would be real, healthy and fresh) and weed. the cow would give milk and cheese and the chickens would lay eggs. i wouldn't be paying ridiculous amounts of money for shitty food. i would be self sufficient. and be growing my own weed. the excess of everything could be sold or whatever, just even given away i don't care. a chilled out life away from all the chaos. and i would get to focus my creativity where i actually want it to go, rather than dividing it into so many pieces just to please other people.

i don't know what to do.
we need to make money. unfortunately, everything comes down to that. i hate money. it fucks up everything. it is the deciding factor for everything.
and also there are so many people who are so intolerant!!! narrow minded assholes.

- doggie