2 may 09
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she came out of nowhere, she was so far back somewhere in my head. she arrived and took my attention by force. and then she left. and then she returned. and she keeps going back and forth. by now she has me solidly in the palm of her hand. and i hate being right here.
her hands, my hands, they dont match at all. black fucking hair, dark black almost blue thick long hair in between my fingers and running through my hands, stirring something crazy inside of me, i am just going mad inside of my head. but on the surface i am an actor. calm, proceeding with the task as nonsexually as possible. for her sake. oye women like these are too cruel. but at the same time they are so damn beautiful. it is worth it, what we do to ourselves for them.
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i miss her goddamit what the fuck. yaar, this is not okay. it really isnt. her priorities are somewhere else, better allocated but re, this is not fair. i have found some semblance of communication because i found her writing. i hope we are on the same page.
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i love eyes, but i love expressions just as much. and one of my favorite expression is the non deliberate smile. the one that happens, when something so ridiculous just occured around her and she is trying so hard to be stone cold serious. but she fails, and she smiles. amidst pink spring carnations. my god that was a priceless moment.
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doggie, harami. tumhe abhi tak oos se pyaar hai. bhenchod. what the fuck sense does this make. i am going along with this because i have no choice, but yo man. this is solidly fucked up. we make them into whatever we want them to be. its not something anyone can fight, it happens once, twice thrice and again and again. age or whatever does not matter infront of this basic innate need to worship. please na kero though. please.
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more later, when a bit sober.
birdie
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