The Incredible Mangoes

dec 24th '08

so there are various sources of drama at home. they are (in order of intensity) disco aunties, Firework, my mother and other women. these are the general everyday causes of mini eruptions.

i gave the disco aunties a special treat this winter. i chopped my hair off. i am like a pile of uncovered chocolate frosting for flies. but that's not all. there is a layer of whipped cream on top of that frosting. i also gained weight!!!! it's all i've been hearing ever since i've been back. they seem so disappointed when they see me in my low baggy jeans and oversized sweatshirt. they comment on the hair and weight in a sympathetic tone. they're so fucking stupid that they think i'm unhappy because i didn't turn out like them and their daughters (who fly out of the country for a weekend to get a nose job). they really need to get over themselves.

Firework! my on and off girlfriend for a year now. she loves playing games. it's the way she gets around. everyone has a thing and that's hers. it used to bug me a lot but now i'm used to it. so she tells me that we just cannot be together because it's a) pointless (since i don't live here) and b) she doesn't want to be another girl on my LIST. i try to convince her. give her a reality check and tell her that it's obviously pointless since we-are-gay-and-that's-not-right so she should just stop thinking about the future. and as far as my list goes, it only has about 60 people i've been obsessed with from a distance. so what's the problem?

okay fine you really don't want to date me? i'm cool with it. let's be friends. come over to my house and chill with me and some old friends of mine (one of whom i was absolutely in love with for a long time, Underwater). so because of my big mouth i ended up sitting with Firework and Underwater together. bitchy statements were being thrown back and forth because both know about each other but they don't think that the other one knows. i don't understand this. neither of them want to go out with me yet both of them want to fight over me.

my mother is kind of like a mixture of everyone. she also says the typical disco aunty shit to me. she is forever convincing me to grow my hair, lose some weight, change my wardrobe, refrain from piercings and tattoos etc. but since she's also the mother she tends to get offended when other disco aunties bitch me out. she absolutely detests Firework (for a legitimate reason though, she found her in my bed many months ago), which means that there is terrible tension in the house when she is over. according to birdie, my mother is in the closet but i think otherwise.

other women are always contributing to the already existing drama. they range from Airplane Woman to Urban Outfitters. i met Airplane Woman on the airplane (duh). i think she's very hot and a mango. i added her on facebook minutes after getting back from the airport and have been going crazy ever since because she never accepted my friend request. she put an end to my misery today by accepting my friend request but obviously gave me another reason to stress out... she put me on limited profile!!!

i've been busy dealing and coping with all of this shit since a week now. i have my moments of claustrophobia and desperation but at the end of the day everything seems just so damn funny. had a hilarious skype-session with birdie today. she has already filled you in on that. never again am i taking her advice to smoke up in my full house at 11 am haha.

- doggie