The Incredible Mangoes

so ive never had this much trouble with a girl before. im actually beginning to think that she really is not attracted to me. which is just odd and really terrible. 

Purple Haze is a friend, and i am the shameless asshole who is trying to "go for it" as they say. but anway. so yeah Purple Haze is being difficult as fuck, which is great because challenges are so much fun in my fucked up head. 

whats wrong is that she is my friend. and she knows me. so she knows i am bad news. and she is not about that at all. and as her friend, i also know her, and know that she is not about that. she is actually the worst person to be going after, and it makes no sense whatsoever. yet i must, as the force tugs me along. it's madness, really.

there is insane fuck mother loads of drama attached to this story. i dont even know where to begin. first of all, it was supposed to be a small thing that would go away. it didnt. 

secondly, she wasnt supposed to find out. (doggie just asked me to come with her and buy a dildo for girl she hides from. i dont know what is going on with that btw). anyway so yeah she wasnt supposed to know at all, and everything would be just fine. but i just had to be a total fucking moron and tell her that i made out with Cherry because i like someone else and i cant tell her who it is. she obviously figured it out within a few hours and confronted me when we were alone in her room at 2 in the morning. man, it was so painful. she looked right at me and was like, 'the only reason you wouldnt tell me who it is, is if it were me." 

i have never turned so red so fast in my life. 

so now she knows. and she knows that i know she knows. and she isnt even giving me anything back. like an oh youre cute. nothing. we are talking about how i like her, why i do,who knows, how long its been and what the deal is... but nothing. i am getting nothing. i am the question answering bunny. so i just have to sit there and get totally screwed over. this is so not the position i was imagining myself to be in. 

the past two days went well though, and i think some significant damage control has happened. except that yesterday i told her that when she was lying in my lap it was so hard not to kiss her. and i told her this while i was crashing at her place in her bed. fuck i am such an idiot.

i totally didnt sleep last night. 

so i am fucking it all up left right and center. but somehow i feel like i am winning. because its not awkward and we are not cutting each other off or not hanging out. i am also not a dog, i know how to be respectful and shit.

but beneath the layers and layers of all this bullshit... i like this one, a lot. differently than the rest. she calls me a heartbreaker, an asshole, a liar. i am all these things if she wants me to be. 

people need to take more risks and dissolve their self made barriers. she is a bitch when it comes to arguments. as stubborn as i am persistent. i think the sex would be so hot.

- birdie